My Appalachian heritage

I come from a long line of white-trash relatives who are addicted to getting 'free' stuff. As far back as I can remember, we have been suckers for dishcloths from our flour sacks, glassware in our laundry detergent, coupons in our cigarettes, Top Value and Green Stamps, fine china from our grocery store, even toys in our cereal. As soon as I had an allowance I collected bubblegum wrappers to turn in for toys that broke as soon as they came in the mail. In the seventies my family shopped with coupons for brands we would otherwise never buy, gaining bad health, Type-2 diabetes and empty calories in the process. In the eighties we began attending time share sales pitches and participating in market research panels as a family in return for crappy kitchen appliances that filled our pantry to the saturation level. We had to have our own crappy garage sales to downsize. In the past twenty years some of us have adopted the practice of 'taking advantage' of no-interest or low-interest credit card offers--a close relation of mine possesses no fewer than seven credit cards, some accounts with different numbers from the same bank! Unfortunately that practice has gained him little and compromised the equity in his home. I have begun making note of the enormous number of multi-tools, sewing kits, screwdriver sets, lumbar pillows, microfiber stadium blankets, calendars, pocket organizers and other useless gadgets lying around his house that I assume he has received for extending magazine subscriptions into the next millennium. I personally receive three magazines I never ordered, courtesy of this relative, which I certainly feel entitles me to investigate why I might be on their mailing lists. Plus, I am not getting the free stuff!